Note Taken
Here is a comment I left on Greg's blog http://www.geeseaplenty.com/ this morning:
"Last week I saw a speaker on the subject of date rape, --Mike Domitriz. He suggests asking before making the Big Move. As in “I had a great time, I really like you, can I kiss you?” If they say no, you can always say, “Glad I asked, I’d have hated to make you uncomfortable.”
This is one of those ideas which is so revolutionary, and yet so obvious. If someone put their hands on your food, you’d know exactly how to react, but if they put their hands on your body, it’s all complicated and awkward."
Later in the day I thought that this is the kind of thing I should develop and post on my own blog. The thing is, I really don't have much more to say about it. It's a good idea, and I wish someone had suggested it to me when I was in Junior High.
The reason this is all on my mind, and why I went to program in the first place (http://canikissyou.com/ , by the way) is that next week I have to get up in front of about 100 Fifth Grade girls and show "The Film." You know, periods and stuff.
I also have to review all that material for 79 Sixth grade girls the day before. I was thinking I would focus on skin care and make-up this year for the Sixth, and maybe get into dating etiquette as well. I haven't really drafted it out yet, but here are some issues:
1) Most of these kids...wait, ALL of these kids are either first or second generation Mexican. They have no career plans other than marriage and motherhood asap, preferably right after H.S. graduation.
2) This town has held the record for highest number of teen pregnancies per capita for many years.
3) What do I know?
The thing is, I remember once, when I was about 16, my dad showing up at my bus stop to give me a ride home, -- maybe the one and only time that ever happened, and found me just off the bus talking to a couple of tourists, a long ways from Waikiki, who had gotten off with me. My father asked "Who were those guys, why were you talking to them?" I told him I didn't know them, they had just asked me about what to do on their vacation. He frowned and said "The hell with them, you don't have to talk to anyone you haven't been introduced to."
That little piece of Victorian, off-the-cuff advice would pop into my head many times during my future career as a Hot Chick, and no doubt saved me a lot of trouble. It was such a relief to have some guidance in that area. Drunken Frat boys? Don't believe we've been introduced. Guys yelling from construction sites? Nothing to do with me. Rough looking men in the streets who come up looking for the time, or money? Better ask a man. Anyone who wants to meet me, can just get themselves introduced.
I could have used a lot more of that kind of guidance.
"Last week I saw a speaker on the subject of date rape, --Mike Domitriz. He suggests asking before making the Big Move. As in “I had a great time, I really like you, can I kiss you?” If they say no, you can always say, “Glad I asked, I’d have hated to make you uncomfortable.”
This is one of those ideas which is so revolutionary, and yet so obvious. If someone put their hands on your food, you’d know exactly how to react, but if they put their hands on your body, it’s all complicated and awkward."
Later in the day I thought that this is the kind of thing I should develop and post on my own blog. The thing is, I really don't have much more to say about it. It's a good idea, and I wish someone had suggested it to me when I was in Junior High.
The reason this is all on my mind, and why I went to program in the first place (http://canikissyou.com/ , by the way) is that next week I have to get up in front of about 100 Fifth Grade girls and show "The Film." You know, periods and stuff.
I also have to review all that material for 79 Sixth grade girls the day before. I was thinking I would focus on skin care and make-up this year for the Sixth, and maybe get into dating etiquette as well. I haven't really drafted it out yet, but here are some issues:
1) Most of these kids...wait, ALL of these kids are either first or second generation Mexican. They have no career plans other than marriage and motherhood asap, preferably right after H.S. graduation.
2) This town has held the record for highest number of teen pregnancies per capita for many years.
3) What do I know?
The thing is, I remember once, when I was about 16, my dad showing up at my bus stop to give me a ride home, -- maybe the one and only time that ever happened, and found me just off the bus talking to a couple of tourists, a long ways from Waikiki, who had gotten off with me. My father asked "Who were those guys, why were you talking to them?" I told him I didn't know them, they had just asked me about what to do on their vacation. He frowned and said "The hell with them, you don't have to talk to anyone you haven't been introduced to."
That little piece of Victorian, off-the-cuff advice would pop into my head many times during my future career as a Hot Chick, and no doubt saved me a lot of trouble. It was such a relief to have some guidance in that area. Drunken Frat boys? Don't believe we've been introduced. Guys yelling from construction sites? Nothing to do with me. Rough looking men in the streets who come up looking for the time, or money? Better ask a man. Anyone who wants to meet me, can just get themselves introduced.
I could have used a lot more of that kind of guidance.
posted by zulhai | 7:23 PM
4 Comments:
Oh, me too. I could also have benefited from hearing that the attention of drunken frat boys was not personal, not to be taken as a compliment. Definitely not worth soliciting.
And I identify with the Mexican girls, too, in that while lip service was given to the fact that I'd "have a career," it was understood that I was really going to college to find a husband, who would support me. I really didn't realize how pervasive this mindset was until I was in my thirties.
I really hope girls today are getting better messages. I'm afraid, though, from the way some of them act, that they're not.
(Why can't they talk, for example? They string together a lot of "likes" and "kind ofs" and "you knows" and giggles. I saw a young woman on a talk show yesterday while channel surfing and it scared me, how hesitant to actually say anything she was.)
I love that advice - it's right on target and yet has touch of the old-fashioned. (perfect!)
And it would have saved me much trouble in my college years.
Yes, I believe the Spice Girls said it best, "If you want to be my lover, you gotta get with my friends."
Anyone have any advice I can pass along to the next generation?
Interesting post. Glad I stumbled over here.
Im a RN as well. Happy Nurses week
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